So here we are. 3 days before surgery.
How do we feel? We actually feel pretty good about it. The day we found out about surgery was tough. We always knew it was there looming – the big old elephant in the room – but it was never truly there. The discussions we had with our cardiologist at previous appointments had been more in the context of months or years from now we would have to face it, so when all of a sudden surgery was scheduled for just 2 weeks away it came with some amount of shock value.
We (and by we I really mean I because A has been very calm and collected throughout) went through all of the sad stuff first. “He’s just so little!” They will literally be taking my little 10 lb baby, cracking through his sternum, stopping his heart and putting his little body on bypass, sewing up these tiny little holes, getting his heart beating again and sewing him back up. He’ll be on a ventilator for awhile when he comes back to us. He’ll have a temporary external pace maker just in case. It’s scary stuff. No joke.
We’ve managed to move past all of that though and focus on the positive. Once it’s done, we are done. It’s only uphill from here and we can stop worrying about heart failure. It’s he’s sweating, he’s hot – his heart isn’t failing him. I’m guessing that Tuesday and Wednesday will be some of the worst days we’ve ever experienced, but it’s healing after that – baring there aren’t any complications of course.
We’ve talked to countless people that have said this is a life changing surgery. He’ll be more alert. He’ll gain more weight. He’ll be stronger. He’ll be able to play more. He may be a completely different baby – but hopefully still one that wants to snuggle and sleep through the night!
There is still quite a bit we don’t know yet and won’t know until we talk to the surgeon, but we are OK with that. We’ve seen pictures of what he will look like just after surgery and have talked to friends that have had this and other surgeries on what to expect so it isn’t so much of a shock. We’ve successfully gone from scared to rock star mode. You just have to do it. There isn’t a choice and staying strong will help Logan stay tuff. I’ll probably be a complete mess during surgery and it may last until I can pick him up into my arms again, but who wouldn’t be a mess?
It seems like this week has just flown by. Andrew said it best when he said you have to spend the week preparing for a weeklong vacation – getting the house ready, finishing work, etc. – but with absolutely no benefit of vacation. He’s almost got all of his ducks in a row at the office. I am finishing up the last bits of orders for my July brides. My mom is arriving this afternoon to watch Jake. Fr. Leo is set to give Logan a blessing after mass tonight. All we have to do is enjoy the weekend with the boys. Make our last weekend out in the world a great one!
Once we are in St. Louis we are going to try to do frequent updates on our Caring Bridge site to keep everyone up to date. I may try to blog a bit if I can, but Caring Bridge will probably be our main source of information. If you’d like to follow along, just check out Logan’s page. You can actually set up your account to receive text messages, emails or notifications on a mobile app to get updates as soon as we post them.
Thank you for your continued prayers!!